i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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