hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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