somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
