once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
