I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
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you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Rumble strips road head = magical
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
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We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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