just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
