I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
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