Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
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