your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
