Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
