so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Randomize
