It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I came so hard my ears popped.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
