eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
