i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
