Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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