At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
