I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
