Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
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