Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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