Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
