so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
