She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
