I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
