I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
