If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
