when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
