Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
