Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
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