I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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