i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
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