Christians are straight up FREAKS
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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