great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Randomize
