my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
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