The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Randomize
