wakey wakey hands off snakey
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
These 25 People Believed Fake Facts For Way Too Long
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.