If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
