Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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