ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
