Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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