I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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