And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
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