but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Randomize
