I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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