I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
