Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
