sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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