hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
