...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
