i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Randomize
