i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
