I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
