Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
