I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
