Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Dude my mom stole all your condoms
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
