Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
