broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
