Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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