He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
