he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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