Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
do herpes really smell.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
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