hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
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