If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
