Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
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