No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
