quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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