walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
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you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
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He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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