How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
