I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
