i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
