what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
