"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
i've created a new STD.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
