Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
is it fun? or sober?
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
