I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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