How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
