how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Randomize
