you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
