YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
